Real Talk: Being LonelyFriday, March 03, 2017
Do you ever sometimes think to yourself 'it surely cannot just be me who feels this way?'
But most of the time, you feel like it IS just you because how do you know if anyone else does feel that way, when no really speaks about it?
One of the things I love about blogging the most, is the ability it brings to make you feel less alone about things. I have read posts in the past that have made me almost shout 'OMG ME TOO!' and when I made my super duper (*very very* loose emphasis on the super duper part there btw) blog business plan over Christmas, one of the things I wanted to do more of was to write about 'Real Stuff'.
I want to talk about the things that make me feel alone. The things that no really speaks about, if one of my posts makes just one person feel better, then well, it's done it's job.
Today's post, is one I've been wanting to write about for a while, but I just wasn't sure how to.
I also wasn't sure if I'd write it and sound like a super freak, but today, whilst I watch 101 Dalmatians ( i won't lie, I put this on for Frank hoping he'd like it and he hasn't bothered at all with it!) I'd talk about something that is a little weird, perhaps for an adult to admit to; being lonely.
I feel like the kid at school who was last to be picked for the sports team when I admit that I'm lonely and have very few friends. I feel like there is a flock of children singing 'nah nah nah Corrie is a loser' in my ear. Which of course isn't actually happening and if it was to happen, I'd totally them to stop being so rude. The youth of today!
But I realised that I can't be alone (literally) in feeling alone. So that's why I'm writing this post.
You see, I'm hoping that my friendless/lonely state isn't because I'm A: a horrible person or B: Smell, but is in fact due to logistics.
When we were young and at school, you saw your friends every day, you then all had nothing to do at the weekend so arranging stuff was super easy. However as you get older, things get difficult.
People grow up, people move away, people get full time jobs, people have kids, people suddenly have little time.
Our lives are so busy, what with work, life admin, house work and actually having a life, that sometimes things can slide, and getting your friends together for a catch up can seem harder than solving a Rubik's Cube.
As you get older, spontaneous meet ups tend to die down, meet ups are organised months in advance, and sometimes you feel that just arranging a meet up, can be tiring enough.
I've noticed that I've felt more lonely ever since we moved back to our home town, which ironically I wanted to move back to, to feel less lonely. Yes, it's great to be surrounded by my family and Christmas is like 109% more enjoyable now, but what I hadn't anticipated was the struggle of moving away from friends, moving further away from London, and all your friends from back home have moved on.
Very few of my friends from college live in the same town anymore, most people have moved away for jobs, like we did. I was kinda hoping that I would re kindle some old friendships but this hasn't happened.
I totally take blame on my part, as I could have been better at arranging things, but then what do you do when a little old thing such as social anxiety gets in your way?
Part of my problem is, that a little voice in my head says ' they've already got loads of friends why would they need you?' 'What if you meet up and it's really awkward?' Last year, I listened to my old pal anxiety a lot, which then lead to me feeling even more lonely than before.
So what am I going to do about this?
Well number 1: I'm going to stop being so hard on myself.
To remember that it cannot be just me who sometimes feels completely alone. It's not because I'm a freak, an awful person and no body likes me.
Number 2: To actually make an effort:
When I say 'we should catch up' to actually mean it. To not make half arsed plans but actually set a date and stick to it.
Number 3: To Be Grateful For What I Have:
I do have some wonderful friends and I get sad when I think about when the last time was that I saw them. You know some people don't even have that, so even if my closest mates live in my phone on Whatsapp- I am SO lucky to have this. I need to be more pro active at making an effort and meet up more regularly with them.
Number 4: To Stop Expecting So Much From People:
Over the past couple of years, I've made friends to then phase them a little later because I don't 100% agree with either their actions, or how they treat me. I have very strict tolerances and hate bullshit such as fake-ness, two faced-ness, disloyalty and I can easily just cut someone free when I don't agree about something. I basically need to accept that no one is perfect, and we are all human and to perhaps give people a break sometimes. Although on the other hand, life is way too short to hang out with a fake friend, but I don't know maybe in the past, I've built up too high a wall. I guess it's just cause I've been hurt/let down by friends in the past and ever since, I've been incredibly wary of new people.
So in short, I'm going to try and make more of an effort with people. I'm going to try and be positive and try really hard at being sociable. To actually arranging coffee dates and trying to step out of my comfort zone now and then.
I don't even know if this post has made any sense, but I just wanted to write about this kind of thing.
Social media can make you feel like, you are the only person who doesn't have a huge group of friends, or a BFF you see every day. I don't and I want to help people who like me, have been so sad and down because of this, to realise they are not alone.
You know it's hard making friends in your twenties and it's okay to admit that.
So I'd love to know, if any of you have any tips for dealing with loneliness/making friends as an adult, as you can probably tell, I do struggle with this.
However, I promise you that you are not alone if you have ever felt this way, and well it feels so much better to get this off my chest.
So here's to hopefully a more positive, sociable 2017. WE CAN DO THIS.